It's not real, I promise.

Saw this site for Airsoft Guns. For the time you need to tell the cops something else.

Forget the program, that's bathroom time.

Saw this site for commercial office chairs. You know, the chairs you watch while the Superbowl is on.

I want to be rich like Amazon.com.

Saw this website for stock option investing. Your money is safe investing in dot.com.

I need to file a claim.

Saw this site for car insurance quotes. I'm thinking I better not get into an accident before I click here - BAM!

Be more original.

Saw this site for mother's day flowers. Because your mother wants flowers and your father wants a tie. Just like society likes it - traditional.

It's not personal. Wait, yes it is.

Saw this site for a personal injury lawyer. It's good to know your injuries are taken personally.

Pun intended.

Saw this site for Viagra Attorneys. Because they're on the rise.

We're striving for... we're just striving.

Saw this site for silver market. Apparently it's an advertisement for the USA Olympic team.

Please, please me.

Saw this site for diamond stud earrings. If you're looking to say, I wanna have sex with you, then this is the way to go.

I'll give you an A for I tried.

Saw this site for Search Engine Optimization. Because no one likes a little bit of effort. Give me this site. OK, it's www.GUESS.

Flowers? Yeah, just because.

Saw this website for valentines day flowers. How else can a man say, I screwed up?

Are you sure you can do this?

Saw this website for malpractice lawyers. Because, apparently, there's a lot of BS going around.

Engagement sponsorship.

Saw this website for yellow diamond rings. With all the different colors of rings, they now could be sponsored by Skittles, a rainbow of flavors.

I'm assessing risk. OK, it's at low.

Saw this website for Risk Management Jobs. Apparently, my risk management is staying away from jobs like these.

If lost, call home. And that's it.

Saw this website for Pet ID Tags. Because you can love your dog, you just can't LOVE your dog.

Are you pissed? No, it's my shirt.

Saw this website for Psychotherapy T-Shirts. I'm guessing they're like mood rings, so don't touch me for too long.

I'm cutting my losses.

Saw this website for silver investors & investing. One time I invested three months into a chick and she still didn't put out.

I'll take the pain, but not the humiliation.

Saw this website for bextra lawsuits. The drug is "used by millions of Americans to relieve symptoms of acute arthritis and painful menstrual cycles." Uh, wonderful. Not only do I have painful menstrual cycles, I now have millions of people knowing about it. Great.

I got approved. Great, now go clean your room.

Saw this website for Mortgage Refinancing. The first thing that has to be done is moving out of your parents' basement.

Here it is honey, a rubber band.

Saw this website for emerald diamond rings. They say the ring should be worth two months' salary. But what if you're unemployed?

I'm lost. Wait. Found me.

Saw this device for a gps navigation. It helps people find their way. And if you're anything like me, who knows hardly anything about GPS systems, you can be lost when you're lost.

Beep, beep, beep, precious.

Saw this website for precious metal market, in which, "market information and news is critical for precious metal investing." No wonder metal detectors are such a big hit.

Could it be, the most beautiful ring in the world?

Saw this website for pink diamond rings. I'm guessing this is where Prince shops.

This is what I really, really, want to be.

Saw this website for vioxx lawyer, in which Schwartzapfel, Novick, Truhowsky & Marcus, P.C. want to help you. Talk about narrowing down your law degree. A vioxx lawyer.

I need to get out of it so I can get back into it.

Saw this website for Debt Consolidation, in which you can get out of debt. You never see websites dedicated to getting IN to debt. Oh wait, yeah you do - porn!

It's backwards but I like it.

Saw this website for diamond men's watches, in which the watches are "elegant, authorized, luxury." Have you ever noticed the more expensive the watch is, the more outdated it is? Like the cheap ones are digital and the nice ones have Roman numerals on it. It's almost like watches are the only product out there that are OK to be dsylexic.

I'm lost, but I'm found.

Saw this device for a portable gps handheld. It helps people find their way. And if you're anything like me, who knows hardly anything about GPS systems, you can be lost when you're lost.

It was packaged nicely.

Saw this article titled, "Thief nabbed after online sale to victim," in which, A German thief stole a man's in-car navigation system and unwittingly auctioned it online back to his victim, who had police arrest him, authorities said Wednesday." I wonder if he gave him a negative rating. Because those can hurt.

Slashing prices, slashing mascot.

Saw this article titled, "Wal-Mart CEO vows aggressive discounts." Apparently, the yellow dot will now be a moon.

The San Francisco freak.

Saw this article titled, "Remains of Old Ship Found in San Francisco." In a related story, "Barry Bonds back in Giants' dugout."

The Emmy's have just gotten less bearable to watch.

Saw this article titled, "Stars to Sing in 'Emmy Idol' Contest," in which,"The Emmy Awards will be singing a different tune at this month's ceremony, and it could be a classic.

In an "American Idol"-style competition, stars and singers ranging from William Shatner to Donald Trump to Frederica von Stade will perform themes from TV series, with viewers able to pick their favorite song via online or text-message voting. " According to a spokesperson, We just don't think the Emmy's are stupid enough.

Hey, I once rode a leather chair to work.

Saw this article titled, "Gas Prices Drive Man to Commute by Horse." This story wouldn't be so newsworthy if the man worked as a jockey.

One myth is revealed.

Saw this article titled, "Camera Helps Identify Unknown Sea Creatures." In a stunning sound bite, the Loch Ness Monster said, "OK, you got me. I'm for real."

What'd you do?

Saw this article titled, "Court rules in favor of fat man in a Merc," in which, "A German court has ruled that Mercedes must release a man from a car lease deal after a dispute over whether he was too heavy to drive the luxury vehicle, Bild newspaper reported Tuesday." In a related story, "Tommy Boy rules in favor of fat man in a little coat."

Big hype, less than spectacular.

Saw this article titled, "Unhappy birthday as Roddick swept out of Open." Is this really news? Has he EVER met expectations? All he has is a hard serve.

There's good news ahead.

Saw this article titled, "Katrina Floods New Orleans, Gulf Coast," in which, "Hurricane Katrina plowed into this below-sea-level city Monday with shrieking, 145-mph winds and blinding rain that flooded homes to the rooflines and peeled away part of the Superdome, where thousands of people had taken shelter." All I can say is, Damn Katrina and the Waves. At least, pretty soon, everyone will be "Walking On Sunshine." It's better than having Hurricane Wang Chung.

He looks so, so, so-so.

Saw this article titled, "Pope Calls Pilgrimage 'Extraordinary.'" In a related story, "Spectators Observing Call Pope 'Boring.'"

It's story time 101.

Saw this article titled, "12-Year-Old Tells of Escape From Shark." Shortly after, the boy discussed how he stole several cheat codes off the Internet.

OK, we'll tone it down a bit.

Saw this article titled, "Evangelist backs off Chavez assassination call." Now calls for wedgie and taunting. Nah, nah, na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.

You can't make fun of me, you're just like me.

Saw this article titled, "Report: Obesity Rates Up in Most States." The good news here is, obese people are the majority. No more name calling for them. Now we just need a report that says, "Ugly people rates up in most states."

But you get school credit.

Saw this article titled, "CBS News Asks Interns to Develop Ideas." The network then said, "Oh, and we need 100 copies of this and it looks like the coffee maker is empty."

The final Raffy post, period!

Saw this article titled, "Report: Palmeiro Offered No Explanation." To sum up, "Period!"

What? I did? What?

Saw this article titled, "Pope apologizes twice for being forgetful." He actually only wanted to apologize once but forgot he did the first time.

We're trying to make the playoffs here.

Saw this article titled, "Study: Most Wild Chimps Are Southpaws." In a related story, "Yankees Call Up Wild Chimps."

Honesty is the best policy.

Saw this article titled, "Fireman admits to starting fires." In a related story, "Garbageman admits to picking up garbage." In even a related story, "Manny admits to being Manny."

I did not post this blog, period.

Saw this article titled, "Palmeiro documents arrive at House panel investigating perjury." In a statement, Palmeiro said, "I did not testify in front of Congress, period!"

I only search naturally.

Saw this site about Natural Search Engine Optimization, in which, "Online search is the most widely used method of attracting qualified visitors to your Web site. According to Jupiter Research, 82% of online shoppers know exactly what they want when they log onto the Internet and almost half of them use search engines to find solutions and vendors." Much better than the unnatural optimization Palmeiro unintentionally used, period!

Got milk? I don't!

Saw this site about, Lactose Intolerance, in which, "Lactagen is the only real solution to the problem of lactose intolerance." Well, thank goodness, it's about time we stop tolerating lactose. We're not going to stand for it anymore.